


Golden

by kokokoriii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Golden by Harry Styles, Internalized Homophobia, Kuroo and Bokuto are such great friends, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, Short One Shot, inspired by a song, use of f slur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26264716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokokoriii/pseuds/kokokoriii
Summary: "I know that you're scaredBecause I'm so open"Iwaizumi loves Oikawa but hates himself.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 50





	Golden

Oikawa owes Kuroo $10 for something he can't even remember. But money is money, so Kuroo excuses himself from the campfire and goes to find Oikawa in the house. What he doesn't expect to find is Oikawa pressed up against the hallway with Iwaizumi covering his neck with bite marks. Oikawa's head it thrown back and his mouth is slightly agape and Kuroo knows he should look away but the sight is just so unusual. Both of their jeans are undone and Iwaizumi has his hand down the waistband of Oikawa's pants. 

Kuroo figures he must have gasped because Iwaizumi is staring at him. 

"What's wrong?" Oikawa asks, not realizing they have company. 

Kuroo pivots quickly, heading straight for the backdoor of the house and Iwaizumi calls after him. He feels a hand on his shoulder and is forcefully turned to look at Iwaizumi's wide eyes. His own neck is covered in bruises and Kuroo wonders how both boys were going to hide the love marks. 

"Sorry for interrupting," Kuroo says, "You do you as long as you're happy." 

"That wasn't happiness," Iwaizumi shoots back, "That was nothing." 

Kuroo raises an eyebrow, "I don't care if you're gay, Hajime. I won't tell anyone." 

The emotion in Iwaizumi's eyes turn from shock to anger and he steps closer to Kuroo, "I'm not a faggot. It was just a mistake, got it?" 

"Got it."

Iwaizumi and Kuroo turn to look at a horrified Oikawa standing in the hallway. Kuroo felt sick at his expression. 

"Tooru," Iwaizumi starts. 

"No, Iwai-Chan," Oikawa puts his hand up, "I'm just a mistake." 

His voice was filled with venom and Kuroo needed to leave. Iwaizumi steps towards Oikawa, trying to defend his reasoning, but it only makes Oikawa angrier. Soon, the two teenagers are yelling at each other. Bokuto is sticking his head in the door by the time Kuroo runs to it. 

There's a crowd behind him, probably expecting a fist fight, "Everything okay?" 

Kuroo pushes Bokuto back outside and shakes off the rest of the guests, "Not my place." 

But Bokuto doesn't like that answer. He follows Kuroo back to the fire pit and sits down next to him. The others finally busy themselves again with sugary alcohol and weed but Kuroo knows that they're keeping an ear out for any gossip.

"So, what happened?" 

Kuroo takes a deep breath before speaking between his teeth, "Iwaizumi is gay." He feels guilty, knowing this wasn't his secret to tell. The bonfire crowd gets eerily quiet so Bokuto announces that they can start shooting off fireworks in the street. 

Bokuto doesn't look as surprised as Kuroo thought he would. "I figured," He says, "Ever since Oikawa came out, it was just a matter of time before Iwaizumi did too." 

"Iwaizumi isn't out," Kuroo adds, "He's not ready, at least." 

Kuroo explains what he saw, leaving out the intimate details, and Bokuto's mouth drops to the ground. Sure, Iwaizumi sometimes had trouble expressing his feelings but he would never push someone away because of it. The boys decide that there's something deeper going on and spend the next week researching how to help their friend be happy with himself. 

They find out that self-doubt in sexual identity is common, even more common in Japan. Bokuto takes note of Iwaizumi's parents who, on the outside, are vocal about their support for the gay community but, on the inside, would loathe any of their children had they come forward. Iwaizumi must have known that and internalized that to the point where any evidence of him being queer could shatter his life. They learn that it's hard to break free from these internalized thoughts, because they've been subsequently hammered into one's mind, and they come up with ways to help Iwaizumi. They decide they need to remind him that these thoughts aren't his own, rather his parents (or whoever told him being gay was wrong), and that he had been tricked. 

Their first step is to recruit Oikawa. 

They take him out to dinner and tell him it's a consolation dinner and he can eat whatever he wants to get over his broken heart and instead they corner him and demand to know everything about his and Iwaizumi's relationship.

"You guys are assholes," Oikawa said flatly, "I'm leaving." 

"Don't go yet!" Bokuto pleads, "Just hear us out." 

Oikawa rolls his eyes and grabs his jacket, seriously getting ready to book it out of there. 

"We'll buy you milk bread for the rest of the year!"

This peaks Oikawa's interest and as much as it makes his stomach queasy, he sits back down in the chair. Kuroo silently curses Bokuto for ruining their bank accounts but is grateful that Oikawa didn't leave. 

Oikawa tells his friends that he and Iwaizumi started dating in November, which means they were together for five months already, and all Oikawa wanted to do was stand on a rooftop and tell the world he had a boyfriend. After a year of being out of the closet and constantly being ridiculed by classmates, he finally had someone to hold him. Only Iwaizumi wasn't ready to come out. 

And at first, the secretive nature of their relationship was exciting. They got to sneak around and kiss in storage closets and send each other flirty texts under pet names. After two months, it started to become exhausting. When they went out together, it wasn't as boyfriends and Oikawa was over not being able to take pictures of them together in case someone saw. Oikawa felt like he was in shackles. 

Oikawa admitted that following the house incident, he was becoming persistent with Iwaizumi. He wanted Iwaizumi to come out already and was annoyed that he was taking so long. His plan on the night of the bonfire was to coaxer Iwaizumi into being ready, which now sounds ridiculous to him. 

Oikawa never had any doubts in who he was. His mother had told him from a young age that love is love and no one has the right to judge another human for that. He was surrounded by good-hearted people and realized that Iwaizumi wasn't as fortunate as he was. He had grown up in a home that condemned his lifestyle and Iwaizumi had been pushed so far into the closet that he felt safer hidden in the darkness. 

"I just want to be his antidote and fix everything." 

Bokuto and Kuroo's next plan of action was to talk to Iwaizumi. Neither of them had talked to the boy since the bonfire so they needed a good excuse to get him to come over. The reason? Bokuto had fall down the flight of stairs in his house and Kuroo needed another strong person to help bring him to the hospital. 

Iwaizumi came rushing into Bokuto's house, yelling about how they should have just called an ambulance, only to find Bokuto and Kuroo sitting on the couch watching a show.

"You have got to be kidding me."

Similar to Oikawa, they bribed Iwaizumi with his favorite food for an entire year to get him to stay and not run off. It's awkward for several minutes until Iwaizumi shifts in his seat and looks at Kuroo, "I said some shit to you that I shouldn't have said. I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Kuroo says instantly. 

"I'm fighting with myself," Iwaizumi continues, "I tried to just push it to the back of my brain but it's like there's a flashing light that keeps reminding me." 

"It's because it's who you are," Bokuto chimes in.

Iwaizumi stifles a laugh, "That's the problem."

"What do you mean?"

Iwaizumi runs a hand through his short hair. "I can't be gay. My parents would disown me and you know how Japan is - I could sacrifice my chances at getting into a good college if they find out I'm gay. God, I watched a gay kid get the shit beat out of him in middle school." 

His hands are shaking and Bokuto has never seen Iwaizumi in this state before, "Why would you even want to go to a college that treats their gay students like that anyways?" 

Iwaizumi says nothing and Kuroo glares at Bokuto. "Look, Hajime," He ponders on his statement, not wanting to offend Iwaizumi, "You don't have to label yourself but you can still be in love."

"I'm going to Hell."

They watch as a tear rolls down Iwaizumi's cheek but he brushes it away. He says he's going to call Oikawa and steps into the kitchen. "We're getting somewhere," Kuroo says. He feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders and he doesn't know why. He leans against the couch and unpauses the show until Iwaizumi stands in the frame of the living room. 

"Can Oikawa come over? We need a boys night." 

They move to Bokuto's basement and he breaks into his dad's alcohol cabinet, stealing a bottle of vodka and gin. Oikawa and Iwaizumi hardly talk so Iwaizumi drowns his sorrow with shots until his body is warm and he's staring at Oikawa. 

In that moment, Iwaizumi realizes he can't do it alone - he can't be himself, alone. Without someone, Oikawa, guiding him through his discovery, he would crumble upon himself. If he continued to shove his identity far away, he would loose Oikawa. And he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he did that. Iwaizumi had been soaked in shame, his thoughts of self-worth were nonexistent but his single hope was the brunette sitting across from him. 

Kuroo notices the intimate moment and asks Bokuto if they have any hard seltzers upstairs. 

"Are you just going to stare at me all night?" Oikawa finally asks, his hands clenching with the fabric of his shirt. 

"I love you."

Time freezes, even momentarily, and the boys stare at each other. The words linger around the room. Oikawa was expecting anger, denial that Iwaizumi wasn't even looking at him. He wasn't expecting a love confession. 

Oikawa is closer to Iwaizumi then he expected when Iwaizumi reaches his hand out and places it on his cheek. Iwaizumi leans in and kisses Oikawa and he swears sparks are flying. When they pull apart, Oikawa's eyes are closed. 

"I'm ready," Iwaizumi whispers and Oikawa leans into his touch. Three days after, Iwaizumi gets kicked out of his house and moves in with Oikawa and his family for the rest of the semester. Despite this, he feels at peace. He posts a picture on Instagram of him and Oikawa kissing and realizes how supportive his friend and teammates really are. He takes Oikawa on dates and holds his hand and isn't afraid to hug him in public anymore. 

Some days are harder than others, like when Iwaizumi's parents didn't show up for his graduation or when a random middle schooler called them a slur on the street. But Oikawa was by his side for it all. 

Iwaizumi lived in a world of hidden darkness, waiting for his golden light to pull him through. And Oikawa was his golden light.


End file.
